Lewis is one of my favorite authors and I will be talking more about his work in future. Over many years and during my illness I have learned the importance of silence.Ī few weeks ago I went to see a play based on The Screwtape Letters by C. In college he was a master with words, but he didn’t really understand the importance of silence. He wrote about the importance of words in this family when he was growing up, about the times in the beginning of the 1950s when speaking proper English was very important. ![]() I think most people take words for granted.Ī friend of mine sent me an article by Tony Judt. I am thinking about the importance of words. Posted in Bhakti, Chronic Pain, FTD, Living with Illness | 3 Comments » Tags: chronic illness, Chronic Pain, FTD, living with FTD, loss I draft, she comments, and we repeat until she’s ready. She will tell me what she wants to write. Typing is more difficult for her, neurologically. Cooking was a way to show her love, now that is gone, too. She’s on a liquid diet, and sometimes has problems even with that. Her throat spasms are worse, she cannot have even soft food. This med also eased the nightmares that she has suffered for years. Her heart pain is now fairly well controlled, using the beta-blocker, metoprolol. Now off to find a doctor smart enough to prescribe them. Twenty minutes on the internet yielded therapies apparently beyond their ken. Referred her to other, useless specialists (we could do some tests, but we couldn’t do anything to treat you, regardless of the outcome of the tests). Again, GI had no clue of how to treat it. The EGD found no pathology other than mild irritation of the lining of the esophagus and stomach. At least he finally gave the approval for the EGD. I did the research and recommended a treatment plan for him, which he prescribed. Intense, sharp, deep joint and bone pain greatly worsened fibromyalgia-like pain.Ĭardiologist number two had no clue about how to treat cardiac angiospasms. She now must use a chair-side toilet, as the bathroom is too far away for her to walk. Her pain has been out of control for months. This kicked off pain crises involving her RSD. She began falling, and re-injured her knee, repeatedly. She sometimes feels abandoned by God, and has to fight through her own dark night of the soul. Hallucinations occurred, quickly recognized as such, but disturbing, nonetheless. Nightmares happened while awake as well as in sleep. She has also her japam, and ishta as a bhakti yogini. She has practiced for fifteen years a Theravada Buddhist mental culture, anna-panna-sati, mindfulness of in-and-out breathing, the Burmese Forest School version, brought to the United States by G. Before, she had a wall up to keep out the unwanted thoughts generated by the dying neurons in her brain. Insurance refused to pay for an arteriogram, we waited to get one done as part of a research project.īy this time she was barely holding on, the cardiac pain and fatigue were so severe, she was unable to do anything: write, read, watch TV. ![]() She was having ten to twenty episodes of cardiac pain a day, sometimes passing out, popping nitroglycerine pills and enduring the resultant headaches. The GP refused to prescribe her abdominal migraine meds, because of the heart condition. Then another med, and a third, all triggering abdominal migraines, before she dropped her as a patient. Off to find a cardiologist, who found low to moderate blockage of one cardiac artery, and prescribed a vasodialator that kicked off abdominal migraines (twelve to eighteen hours of non-stop, uncontrollable vomiting). We told the anesthesiologist, and he demanded a cardiac workup. A few days before the procedure, she began having a different kind of chest pain. Soon she could not eat normal gluten-free food. Shortly after the previous post, some nine months ago, she began to have painful spasms in her throat. The call of the sea has been strong of late, as she is suffering most grievously here on the shore. I follow as closely as I can the tracks of my silkee as she wends her way along the strand.
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